Dear Ian,

Today is the Monday before Thanksgiving.  We usually take this time to reflect on what we are thankful for in our lives.  If I am thankful for anything it would be you, my son.  I am thankful for all of my family, but you most of all.  You are the reason I wake up in the morning, the reason I start each day with a smile, the reason I put one foot in front of the other and the reason I am here on this earth.

But let’s be honest, today I am thankful for your baby sitter!  Sitter K is the greatest child care provider on the face of this earth.  I do not like that I have to work and leave you in the care of another, but you couldn’t be in better hands.  Sitter K is kind, wonderful, patient, loving and most of all, she tolerates you!

Yesterday my Aunt K.C. and cousins Big A and Little A (Big A’s daughter) came over to Bamma’s house for some dinner and play time.  Little A is just over 2 and it is fun to get you wee little ones together.  Fun was had by all, you didn’t share everything but you shared a lot and were mostly well-behaved.  Events like these are always fun but exhausting.  We got home a little after 8 and we sat in the rocking chair and you fell to sleep almost right away.  However the hall light was on, and your dad had been working out-of-town, so I had no one to turn if off.  When we walked down the hall and I put you into bed, you woke up.  But you just laid there so I thought you would go right back to sleep.  About 9:30 I heard you talking and you were wide awake.  Did you fall asleep and wake up or did you never go to sleep in the first place?

I heard you make some noises in the night and again around 6 am, but you talk in your sleep so I don’t know how well you slept last night.  But when I came in at 7 to get you up, you did not wake up!  You let me change your clothes and put you in your car seat without waking up!  You slept the whole way to Sitter K’s house but woke up when I got you out of the car, it was raining after all.  You started fussing and yelling the word “Yellow” over and over again.  It was pretty cute.

When we got in the house you started your super-crabby-i-can-not-believe-you-woke-me-up! act and was not very happy.  There was a lot of crying and nothing would make you happy.  I of course had to go to work and leave you, a very unhappy boy, with Sitter K.  She accepted you without complaint and I know that by the end of the day you will be a much happier boy.

It is good to know that even though sometimes you are crabby, you are always well taken care of.

I am thankful that we have her in our lives, and I am thankful that she puts up with you and loves you.  I am thankful that I have someone I can trust with the care of my son.





Dear Ian,

It was mid-August 2009

It was a wonderful summer day and your dad and I went to an Em’s game.  There was baseball and beer and good times had by all.  After the game we decided to meet some of my friends from the lab for a little Karaoke.  I will be honest with you, I had a lot to drink (a lot for me, that is).  The next day I was not feeling well, I was very sick.  The next day I was still sick, now I know I had had a bit to drink for what I normally drink.  But it was not enough to make me sick for more than a morning.  After a week of still not feeling well you dad thought I had the swine flu!  He then jokingly asked if I was pregnant, which I thought, no way, because I had been on birth control (not a topic for now).

I started to feel better, and then I would feel sick again.  This went on for a couple of weeks and I was reading this novel where one of the character’s wife was getting sick and they didn’t know what was wrong.  I kept thinking ‘duh! she is pregnant you idiots!’ and then it hit me like a 2×4 across my head.  That is me!  but I wasn’t really sure.  I mean how could it be true? we had taken precautions.  (disclaimer: the precautions were not because we didn’t want to have a baby, simply because we didn’t think we were ready yet.  I was not done with school yet and we didn’t know where we were going to live when I was done with school and stuff.  We wanted you, we just thought you would come a little later)

At the beginning of Sept. me, your dad and Bamma went to visit your great-grandparents in Denver.  Bamma got a kidney stone (which is bad because she only has the one kidney) and we spent some time in the emergency room.  I was so tired and sick, Mimma noticed, but everyone thought it was because I was taking care of Bamma.

During that time it became obvious to me that you were there.  It was more than just being sick and bloated and feeling like crap.  I just knew.  It was like you were shouting at me ‘Mommy, I am in here!’ and I could finally hear you.   I was so scared!  I knew I always wanted to have kids, and I knew I was meant to be a mom but you were such a surprise that I couldn’t help being scared.  After telling your dad I felt better but now we were both scared.

I went in for a pregnancy test and later an ultrasound and found out I was a lot farther along then I thought.  You had been growing for 10 weeks now, 12 weeks at the time of the ultrasound.  Which when I really thought back it makes sense, around 6 weeks is when most women start to feel sick, and that would have been right about the time of the baseball game when I started to get sick.

After the shock had worn off and I saw the little picture of you in my belly I couldn’t have been happier.  I was still scared about the future, all parents are (and that never changes even after your are born).  I couldn’t wait for you to be born.

You gave me hell though.  I was sick through my whole pregnancy.  Morning, afternoon, evening sickness.  I could hardly keep anything down.  And oh boy! the heartburn.  I couldn’t sleep.  But it was also the most wonderful experience.  I loved every minute of it.



remembering when

Dear Ian,

yesterday was a day that started to try my patience, not you my son, but the rest of the population.  Then I meet you at your cousins school for their fall festival.  This is a wonderful, fun, fundraising event.  However, this year I did not enjoy it, and we left early.  They had all sorts of little games set up in the gym for the kids to play.  You would run around and try to take all the little toys to play with and interfere with the other kids trying to play.   You were not being bad, you just didn’t understand the concept of the games.  But, oh boy! were you mad at me for not letting you play!  So we had to leave.  Once we got home you did not want to go to sleep.  Each time you would close your eyes to fall asleep you would wake up and say something cute and wonderful that would make me smile.  But you were refusing to fall asleep! So I put you in your crib to fall asleep on your own.

This made me think about when you were born.  I have to tell you it is a good thing I have the patience of a stone 😀 cause you and sleep were not friends.

When you were born we had lots of problems with feeding, which I won’t go into with you, as I am sure you do not want to hear about it 🙂 But you were on breast milk which tends to not stay in your stomach as long as formula so you need to eat more often.  You did not like to eat a lot on each feeding, just enough to not be hungry anymore.  No matter what I tried you would want to eat every 1.5 to 2 hours.  But you were so sweet and as long as you were fed you didn’t cry.

Then you started crying all the time.  You would throw up what ever it was you ate.  I don’t mean you would spit up the excess, I mean you would throw up all the time.  You would cry, it was so hard to see.  It was like you were in so much pain.  My poor baby, I didn’t know what to do.  We saw your doctor and you had to have an ultrasound on your tummy to make sure there was no obstructions.  Your organs were fine and we watched you swallow with the ultrasound and it was working fine.  Sometimes the thing about premature babies is that not all your organs are complete and functional yet.  The esophageal sphincter is not always fully formed and that can cause food to come back up.  You also had some acid reflux problems and we had to put you on medicine.  Your poor belly had such a hard time digesting food.

All these things caused such sleepless nights and you cried so much.  It was so hard to see you like that.  Everyone says it was colic, but I don’t feel that was true.  I feel like your little organs just weren’t ready to start working yet.  You eventually got better, but you still didn’t like to sleep.




Dear Ian

Today I start writing to you, a task I should have started before you were born.  I am new to this and it might take a while to get the rhythm down, but your life is worth recording.

As of today you are 1 year, 7 months, 1 week and 4 days old.  Like I said I am a little behind, although in my defense, that is entirely your fault.

Today I won’t write a lot, but I plan to start adding some memories of your first year and then of all the years to come.  I hope to be able to post the wonderful things you do and say, before I forget them.