Dear Ian,

It was mid-August 2009

It was a wonderful summer day and your dad and I went to an Em’s game.  There was baseball and beer and good times had by all.  After the game we decided to meet some of my friends from the lab for a little Karaoke.  I will be honest with you, I had a lot to drink (a lot for me, that is).  The next day I was not feeling well, I was very sick.  The next day I was still sick, now I know I had had a bit to drink for what I normally drink.  But it was not enough to make me sick for more than a morning.  After a week of still not feeling well you dad thought I had the swine flu!  He then jokingly asked if I was pregnant, which I thought, no way, because I had been on birth control (not a topic for now).

I started to feel better, and then I would feel sick again.  This went on for a couple of weeks and I was reading this novel where one of the character’s wife was getting sick and they didn’t know what was wrong.  I kept thinking ‘duh! she is pregnant you idiots!’ and then it hit me like a 2×4 across my head.  That is me!  but I wasn’t really sure.  I mean how could it be true? we had taken precautions.  (disclaimer: the precautions were not because we didn’t want to have a baby, simply because we didn’t think we were ready yet.  I was not done with school yet and we didn’t know where we were going to live when I was done with school and stuff.  We wanted you, we just thought you would come a little later)

At the beginning of Sept. me, your dad and Bamma went to visit your great-grandparents in Denver.  Bamma got a kidney stone (which is bad because she only has the one kidney) and we spent some time in the emergency room.  I was so tired and sick, Mimma noticed, but everyone thought it was because I was taking care of Bamma.

During that time it became obvious to me that you were there.  It was more than just being sick and bloated and feeling like crap.  I just knew.  It was like you were shouting at me ‘Mommy, I am in here!’ and I could finally hear you.   I was so scared!  I knew I always wanted to have kids, and I knew I was meant to be a mom but you were such a surprise that I couldn’t help being scared.  After telling your dad I felt better but now we were both scared.

I went in for a pregnancy test and later an ultrasound and found out I was a lot farther along then I thought.  You had been growing for 10 weeks now, 12 weeks at the time of the ultrasound.  Which when I really thought back it makes sense, around 6 weeks is when most women start to feel sick, and that would have been right about the time of the baseball game when I started to get sick.

After the shock had worn off and I saw the little picture of you in my belly I couldn’t have been happier.  I was still scared about the future, all parents are (and that never changes even after your are born).  I couldn’t wait for you to be born.

You gave me hell though.  I was sick through my whole pregnancy.  Morning, afternoon, evening sickness.  I could hardly keep anything down.  And oh boy! the heartburn.  I couldn’t sleep.  But it was also the most wonderful experience.  I loved every minute of it.




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